You know when you meet someone for the first time and the conversation doesn’t quite go right? Maybe they said something you didn’t like or you made a comment they didn’t agree with? Well that has just happened to me when reading a website. Their opening remark was:

Parenting teens is a thankless and tough job.

I would have copes if they said ‘can be’ or ’sometimes appears to be’ but they made a definitive statement - and I don’t agree with it.

Then they went on to say:

If you have a teenage girl, parenting becomes huge challenge.

And I don’t agree again - my observation is that *if* anything teenage boys provide more challenges.

Maybe it’s because I am about to walk my baby down the aisle that I can see the thankfulness in parenting … what do you think?

I am almost reluctant to give you the link! But then again they may say some good things in the article, but I confess I didn’t read it - first impressions and all that.

Posted: March 24th, 2008 under Communication, Parents, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

There is a great post over at Parenting Ideas that talks about exam stress - for us parents!. Here is the opening paragraph:

When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work, parents feel that they should be encouraging their teen to try hard and do well. The problem is that in trying to achieve this, many parents end up causing stress either for themselves, their teen or both.

I would encourage you to bookmark it and have it on file for when the next set of exams come your way.

Posted: March 22nd, 2008 under Parents, Teenager, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

I came across this very interesting web page - which I think is actually advertising adult education. But they seem to have really nailed the relationship between some teenagers and their parents - have a look at this list and ask yourself if you have ever thought / said them:

Parents sometimes say:

“He treats this place like a hotel”
“She’s like a Jekyll and Hyde”
“He doesn’t talk to us any more”
“He should study more and listen to music less”
“Sometimes I feel she hates me”

I thought so - I almost saw many of you nodding your head in agreement.

If you live near Bath in the UK you can subscribe to their course in Educational Psychology - if not you may want to check out your local options.

Posted: March 19th, 2008 under Parents, Teenager, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

Tracey tells a great story of asking her son to do something - which he does - but in a way that intrigues her. Go and have a read.

My question would be, does she talk to her son about her conclusions?

Showing our humanity, frailty, weakness to our children isn’t easy [or always recommended] but when we can it increases the bond between us.

Give it a try and/or tell us about when you have done it.

Posted: March 18th, 2008 under Communication, Teenager, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

A blogger named ‘Braindead’ tells a story about peer pressure [yet another party while parents are away story]. He /she said:

Peer pressure is an enormously powerful influence that most young people need to contend with. It is responsible for many young people mindlessly going along with the crowd and not thinking for themselves leading them to start smoking, drinking, experimenting with drugs and sex and more.

I am not at all disagreeing with him/her - although I would say that peer pressure isn’t restricted to young people - what peer pressures do you face?

Posted: March 14th, 2008 under Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

Not sure where this blog came from - but they have made an interesting post on the 3 mistakes often made when parenting teens.

They say you need to do these 3 things to avoid the mistakes:

1. Keep up with modern teenage behaviour
2. Discuss instead of lecture.
3. Do not give up too quickly.

It a quick read - well worth your time in clicking and going to check it out.

Posted: February 17th, 2008 under Communication, Teenager, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

Annette Paxman Bowen writes a great post about connecting with teens [it is excepted from a letter she received. Some of the tips included:

• Support their interests
• let your home be the gathering place
• Look for something to praise and compliment every single day
• natural consequences for choices and behaviours
• Reflective listening is powerful
• Have them check in with you when they come home
• Let them have complete stewardship of their rooms
• Have fun with them every single week
• Laugh a lot
• Talk (and listen) a lot

Actually all the tips were so good I included every one of them!

Go check it out here.

Posted: February 3rd, 2008 under Parents, Teenager, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: 2

Many parents take time to realise that some things are not worth fighting over and Kelly details this in a great, humorous way:

Butterfly (16) flitted around all day, preparing for a weekend retreat up north with her church youth group. A nice thing about parenting teens is that they can pack for themselves. A difficult thing about parenting teens is that they pack for themselves. Items that are entirely inappropriate. But my gosh, I need to pick my battles, and I’d rather save up my “no’s” for issues like beer bongs.

Jim Graham said it like this: Major on the Majors. Of course you have to decide what is a major to your family but if you fought every battle that became available you would be very tired and battle worn.

Posted: January 27th, 2008 under Communication, Parents, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

I trust that you will fully enjoy the Christmas season and that you find some time to have a break. I am having a break from blogging but will be back early in 2008 - see you then!

Posted: December 24th, 2007 under Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none

Many parents struggle to get their teenagers to open up to them and allow them into their lives. It can sometimes seem that they are a closed book - one of those locked diaries maybe even with it’s own guard dog! From time to time it can seem impossible to get them to open up and allow you into their lives. Don’t give up!

Getting them to talk with you and for you to know about their lives can be a great way for you to protect them from danger, you can highlight things to them that they may not have been aware of. We are not suggesting that you spy and snoop, if you get your information that way them there will be very little you can do about it - and if they find out they will be very unhappy - to say the least.

Here are four ideas to get you started:

Start young - it is always easier to keep something going that has been a part of family life than to start a new tradition later in life. Of course you may hit some road blocks along the way but stick with it - the prize is well worth it.

Find common ground. Learn to be interested in what interests them, you will find they are more open to talk about those kinds of things. Yes, it means maybe listening to their music but it will form a platform to take the discussion deeper. Simply asking ‘how was school’ won’t get you very far.

Be open to what they say. Of course they may tell you things that you wish you didn’t know - either about themselves or their friends. Don’t appear shocked or react in a judgmental way because that will just cause them to close up. it is possible to tell them you disapprove of something without them feeling got at. If you can work through these things then they will surely come to you whenever they have a problem.

Spend more time together. In the busyness of life we can often skip spending time with your children. I often hear people talking about quality time but my experience has shown me that quality time only comes when there is quantity time. it isn’t possible to schedule quality time - that’s not how human relationships work. Many teenagers see the lack of time with their parents as a major concern. Here are 4 quick thoughts to help you

• Why not set up a specific weekly get together, something fun. in my home town Tuesday nights are cheaper at the cinema. And it’s a 25 minute drive each way.
• Try making dinner time a family time -0 not easy I know but if you can do it 2 or 3 times a week that would be great.
• Get involved in one of their activities - coach their team.
• Drive them to school each day instead of sending them on the bus - even if it’s only one way.

It may take some time to overcome their initial reluctance to open up but stay with it and the benefits you will get will be worth all the effort.

Posted: December 12th, 2007 under Communication, Parents, Teenager, Understanding Teenagers.
Comments: none